Nani o wakatenai kuseni!
by Vuurvlieg
Summary: When Shinn destroyed the Freedom, it's pilot didn't get away with just minor wounds. That same night, Shinn falls asleep to find himself in Heliopolis. Unable to influence anything Shinn ends up following around a civilian boy by the name of Kira...


_This is a story I'm writing purely for my sake, because I need to remind myself that people can still change their views, no matter how stuck they seem to be._

* * *

**Nani o wakatenai kuseni!**

* * *

He was still filled with wild triumph when he reached his and Rey's quarters. He had done it! His revenge had been taken! The Freedom was gone. He had sworn he would shoot it down and he had! He had completely destroyed it! It deserved to be, for what it did to Stellar. Another of his small laughs left his lips.

_I did it, Stellar!_

_There was is no need to be scared of anything anymore!_

He let himself fall backwards on his bed, his body all the wile shaking with suppressed joy and his face shaped in a wide grin. His mind went once again over the earlier happenings. Rey had congratulated him, everyone had been impressed. There was nothing for him to fear anymore! He had done it! Finally! He had gotten his revenge!

_"What revenge?!!"_

Athrun's anguished face suddenly appeared before his minds eye.

Shinn abruptly stopped laughing. At tingle of something that could become regret before Shinn quickly smashed it, shaking his head to clear away the image. Athrun didn't understand anything!

_"There is no reason why he had to be killed!"_

That had just been ridiculous! But in hindsight. Athrun had looked like he had been about to cry. This time Shin shoved against the image. Rey had said so as well! Shooting down the freedom had been an order and they were soldiers and beating the strongest mobile suit around was a great accomplishment! Shinn repeated Rey's words to himself. That was how it was! And Athrun had hit Shinn because of his own stupid feelings which had no place in Zaft at all! The guy was in faith for god's sake and he wasn't even that good of a pilot! The Freedom had been an enemy, it had killed Stellar and it deserved to rust on the bottom of the ocean, where it belonged!

The red hot haze of angry justifications pushed Athrun's face from his mind and Shinn fell asleep with a content smile on his face…

* * *

and opened his eyes to find himself standing in a completely unfamiliar surrounding. People were walking around and a soft breeze blew through the trees and played with his thick black hair, the sounds of a city in the air. What the… This couldn't be right, he had just been about to fall asleep and now he found himself standing outside not even feeling sleepy. Shinn looked around wildly in confusion, not really registering anything beside the fact that his location was outside and unfamiliar. Where was he? This couldn't be right! That's right, it was a dream! It had to be! Delighted with having found a logical explanation Shinn calmed down. As far as he knew he had never had a dream as realistic as this one before, but for everything a first time. And if this was a dream… Shinn jumped in the air, willing himself to float. Which he did. And this place wasn't even zero-gravity! Shinn smiled. It might be fun to have a dream in which you knew you were dreaming. It was not like he had to wake up anytime soon. Landing again Shinn began to inspect his surroundings.

He was located in the middle of a large grass field in front of a building that seemed to serve as an university. People, mostly teenagers, were everywhere and many of them were spread about the small tables and wooden pavilions situated around the park, eating lunch, working and talking. Nobody even glanced at Shinn. Above the trees he could see the buildings of a city. A slow smile began to build on his face as he looked around. This place was so peaceful, it should be like this everywhere. That was the kind of world he was fighting for. The world the chairman was going to create. He tilted his head to look at the sky.

Shinns breath hitching as his eyes met with more land and a large iron shaft. What the..! Startled Red eyes flew across the sky, taking note of everything. This was a space colony! It was not part of the plants but there was no mistaking it. Weren't almost all colony's besides the Plants and the moon colony, deserted or destroyed during the last war? Then, Shinn chuckled, once, twice. He let himself fall backwards on the grass as his body shook with mirth. Of course! This was a dream so why couldn't this be a space colony! Shinn sighted as he lay down on the grass, lazily gazing upwards. Would they really have looked like this? It's not like he could know for sure. It was clearly different from the plants. What would it be like to always have 'land'above you? It didn't even seem that far away. Then, a small 'spot' in the sky pulled his attention away from the land. What was that?

Shinn sat up and narrowed his eyes, it was flying and kinda looked like a bird but not quite. It seemed to be heading to somewhere close bye. Without really meaning to, Shinn got up and his legs started following the little 'looked-like-a-bird' as it flew down. It was green and yellow. It had wings.

"Tori!"

It said 'tori', and it was heading towards one of the small pavilions. Shinn stopped just outside of it and watched as a small robotic bird landed on top of a laptop situated on the lap of a brown haired boy The boy looked maybe a year younger then Shinn and was typing on the laptop with one hand while watching the news on it at the same time. As the bird tried to get the boys attention Shinn silently dubbed him a coördinator. His typing was ridiculously fast, even by their standards.

"Kira!"

A boy with wavy brown hair and light blue eyes, accompanied by a girl wearing a lively orange dress approached the pavilion. The boy with the laptop looked up. Wanting to have his guess confirmed Shinn took a look at his face. Bright purple eyes in a somewhat childish face confirmed his reasoning. There were naturals with that eye color but it was rare and the color was usually murky.

"There you are! Professor Kato was looking for you!"

"Again?"

The boy seemed quite exasperated for having to meet with a professor.

"He said to pull you there as soon as we found you! What is it? Does he need your help with something again?"

And that clinched it. Shinn nodded to himself. Even so, according to the conversation, in this place coördinators were probably a minority. It kind of reminded him of Orb…

At that point, Shinn firmly directed his attention elsewhere, which meant, on the news bulletin that was playing on the boy's, 'Kira' he was supposed to be called, computer.

"This is from Kaushun! Behind me you can see the fighting continue!"

What?!

Shinn made to grab the boy, Kira's shoulder in an attempt to get at his laptop but his hand went through said shoulder without having the slightest effect. Shinn tried again. And again. Nothing. What kind of frustrating dream was this? Why did he have to be some kind of ghost?! Shinn growled and settled for just watching over the kid's shoulder.

The mobile suits on the news the boy was watching were ancient! They seemed to be no better then the first type of Ginn built, and that newsreader was talking about them like they were an actual threat! Shinn snorted but the boy beside Kira wasn't as unimpressed as Shinn.

"Wah, if this was last week Kaushun will have fallen by now!"

"Yeah." The laptop was closed.

The girl looked worried. "Isn't Kaushun pretty close? Will the homeland be alright?"

"Yeah, you don't have to worry about that."

"Eh?" Shinn couldn't quite follow the conversation anymore. As far as he knew there wasn't any fighting near Kaushun at the moment. He tried to mentally remind himself that this was just a dream. Again. Cmon, if anything, him being go-through-able should have proven it. But the next comment that came from the group of kids blew it from his mind.

"There is no way that Orb will become a battlefield."

What the HELL!! Shinn turned to the boy, red eyes flashing with rage. Who the hell did this kid think he was, looking so sure of himself! He didn't even know anything! Like anyone in anyway connected to Orb could know anything! How dare he! Shinn ran at the guy, meaning to grab him. This time, he had so much speed that his entire body went through the other body. He just 'faded' through.

Damn! But with no real way left to exercise his rage Shinn calmed down slightly. These were just civilian kids anyway. They were supposed to think that nothing could happen to them. It was all Orb's fault that it was any different. They betrayed kids like this! Still, since when did Orb have a space colony? For as far as Shinn knew, the only colony Orb had ever had was Heliopolis, and Heliopolis had been destroyed during the last war. Weird. But then again, this was just a dream.

Shinn started looking around again. Maybe for some way of identification his location. Then his eyes fell across 'him' for the first time. 'Someone' standing on the other side of the pavilion, where the three kids were still talking. Somehow, this person felt out of place. It wasn't like he looked strange or anything. His clothes were simple, a t-shirt and loose pants, civilian clothes. He looked to be about 18 years old and he seemed as unaware of Shinn as the rest of them, his eyes glued to the, still unidentified, blue-eyed boy.

Perhaps it was his focus. Shinn thought. Somehow, that person just didn't look as carefree as the rest of them. He was probably that boy, Kira's older brother or something since they looked so much alike. Same hair, if a bit longer, and their eyes were the same color though that was where the likeness ended. That guys eyes were entirely different from Kira's clear ones. Kira seemed like the kind of person of whom you could read his every emotion from his eyes. He just gave that impression and Shinn didn't think he was wrong. But that guys eyes were foggy. Completely unreadable. And Shinn would swear that he had seen him somewhere before. Then again, that was entirely possible since this was his dream.

Letting it go, Shinn watched as the group of teenagers started to leave and just as he himself turned around to go elsewhere, maybe fly around a bit (if one was having a dream one should take advantage of it), he felt someone's eyes on him. Without knowing why a shiver went through his spine and Shinn slowly turned back to the departing teens. It was 'him'. Unreadable purple eyes seemed to look through him but to Shinn there was no doubt that he was seen. The older boy gave him a long look before he turned to walk away, together with the group of teenagers. Shinn followed…

* * *

Shinn sat in one of the seats at the back of the car. Already tired of the typical teenage fight of 'who liked who' going on between the boys. He wasn't even sure why he was still here! He looked to his right. Or maybe he did. He had figured out by now that the older boy he was now sitting next to was being ignored the same way Shinn was. Shinn was also pretty sure that guy knew he was there, even if he didn't react at all. Shinn had already tried to talk to him, an attempt that had including lots swearing and threatening, and no reaction at all. He had just looked through him. Had Shinn already mentioned the guy was walking around without shoes? He did. And if he hadn't been walking Shinn would have sworn him to be cataconic. Anyway, this guy was so far the only one who seemed capable of seeing Shinn. And wad, irritating enough, extremely interested in a group of boring civilian teenagers, one of which he bore a striking resemblance to. Shinn sighted. At least that terrible group of girls had left. The one in pink had hurt his eyes. Even Lunamaria wasn't that bad! Was he going to wake up anytime soon? This was starting to get kind of boring even if it 'was' a good alternative for being off the ship for a bit.

- 15 minutes later-

"If it's nothing then it's nothing!"

"What is it Tolle?"

"You guys, cut it out already!"

Really, was there any reason he was here besides bearing witness to some kids rivalry with his natural friends about a girl? He meant, seriously. Couldn't his head come up with anything more interesting to dream about? And exactly WHY hadn't he left already? He had been stalking a group of kids to end up in some kind of laboratory and the one reason he had followed all the way here was still ignoring him, watching the teenage quable with a slight smile on his face. Seriously, what was so interesting? Shinn was bored and he didn't appreciate it. So, being bored, he turned to the only occupant of the room he hadn't grown fed up with yet. The person with the hat.

The hat that person wore covered most of the wearer's blond hair and his face. It was more then obvious to Shinn that that gigantic hat was there exactly for that reason. To hide it's wearers identity He hadn't even looked up once. Since no-one beside the 'cataconic one' seemed able to see Shinn it wasn't like he couldn't take a look. No-one was going to get on his case for it and if mr Cataconic would it would be all the better. Having momentarily chased away his boredom Shinn walked in the direction of the 'guest'. But just as he was about to get a good look at the persons face. he turned around to walk to a door, walking partly through Shin who immediately glared at 'him'. Completely obvious to Shinns death glare and frustrations, the hatperson tried a door. It didn't budge.

That was it! Shinn made to leave, walking straight at a wall… Only to slam in to it.

God damn it!"

Shinn considered screaming.

Why couldn't he fade through the things he wanted to fade through? It hadn't really hurt but still, that wall had been hard!

But instead he just sat down and sulked. Resting with his back against the wall he watched the group of teenagers, who had turned out to be software engineering students, as he pondered on the weirdness of this dream. He seemed to have dreamed himself into Heliopolis. And then the ground shook. Correction the whole room shook. Heavy equipment fell down, dust fell from the sealing and Shinn tried to brace himself against the floor. The girl called Milliaria yelled and most of the kids in the room fell down or tried to brace themselves. "Meteors?" The boy called Sai guessed.

No, these weren't meteors. Shinn clenched his fists. This was an explosion. He stood and tried to find his balance as the trembling ceased. He send a look to the one person in the room who had stayed calm. He was floating now (since when could he do that?) and didn't look worried at all, just blank. Shinn clenched his teeth. Well, at least he had stopped smiling.

Shinns irritation was swept away when the ground started shaking again. Impuls' pilot angrily turned to the teenagers who still stood there looking worried and scared and useless. "What the hell are you still doing here! Get out of here already!" Shinn gestured wildly at the door. Luckily there was no need, seeing as they couldn't hear him. Sai had already opened it. Outside there was a line of people who seemed to be evacuating.

"We are being attacked by zaft!"

"No…."

Shinn knew what had happened with Heliopolis, and how it had come to be destroyed. He had never really spend much thought on it as it hadn't been important to him on that exact moment. But it had been on the news and part of his education as a pilot, as were most happenings in the last war. Zaft had attacked Heliopolis because the earth army had been making weapons there. And Heliopolis had been destroyed on that same day… This all had happened already! Why was he here now? Was this really a dream?

"You!"

And what did HE think he was doing? Shinns confused red eyes sharpened as they focused on Kira. Another shock wave rolled through the corridor and the boy called Tolle called for his friend.

"I'll be right back!"

Kira ran through the corridor, probably to go help the guy with the hat who had ran away from the group earlier. Shinn cursed as he ran to catch up to the kid. Yelling all the way.

"You idiot! If that guy wants to go and get himself killed that is his problem! You're a civilian! Which means you should act like one and be all scared and seek shelter! You got that? Hey!"

But it seemed that Kira didn't get it as he only ran faster. Shinn didn't really know why he cared but he really didn't feel like seeing some kid die right now, damn it! So he too kept running. The boy, meanwhile, finally caught up to the reckless blonde and grabbed him by the arm.

"What are you doing? They said we had to go that way!"

The other didn't seem at all pleased with the advice. Shinn groaned, that's what you get for playing the hero. Athrun had once admonished him about that… That was different! Shinn decided firmly. For him it was obviously different.

"Why did you follow me? You should hurry up and run away!"

Good advice, according to Shinn. To bad they didn't seem to feel like following it. Neither of them. He gritted his teeth. The sound of an explosion came from the corridor they had just come from and it's shock wave blew across the two children and the hat away from bright blonde hair. Shinn growled. What was SHE doing here?

With hate smoldering in his gaze Shinn watched as a younger Cagalli ordered Kira to go away so she could go to check something out. Of course! How could something like this happen without the Atha family being behind it! The fact that zaft was attacking this colony right now was probably all her fault! Hers and that fathers of her! But it seemed that young civilian coördinator didn't know these basic facts of life, as he had grabbed the girls hand and was now pulling her along. All the while reassuring her that it would be all right, that they would be saved. There would be shelters left when they got to the factory!

Shinn grumbled as he started running again. Seriously, did that kid really 'have' to get her to safety? He didn't even seem like the responsible type. Way too awkward. But still. As they was running the girl kept sniffling. And then they reached the factory… Mobile suits. A model that, at least outwardly, reminded Shinn of the impulse. Had the earth military already had mobile suits in this time of the war? He slammed his hand into a wall, for once glad that he could touch it. Why couldn't he at least have some peace in his dreams? Why did this have to happen? A cry called his attention back to his unknowing companions and he turned just in time to see Cagalli collapse.

"I knew it… Earth's new mobile weapons… FATHER, YOU TRAITOR!!!"

"If only in her feelings, Cagalli is an honest person."

That's what Athrun had said. Shinn still thought it was ridiculous, who could rule a nation with feelings alone? And the Atha were all like that! All that idealistic nonsense! Still, the girl crying out on her knees on the edge of a war wasn't a ruler yet, dream or not, so Shinn was allowed to feel a tiny bit sorry for her. But still, this wasn't time to stand there sniffling. There was a firefight going down there for gods sake! Shinn let his eyes fly across the area, getting a decent view of the situation before turning back to the two teenagers. He really wanted to yell at them, bullets were flying everywhere, it was too dangerous here. In fact, a bullet almost hit Cagallig as Kira pulled her away and told her to run.

Shinn had, at this point, given up on running and was using his ability to 'float' to stay next to them without getting tired (strange that he could, in a dream). The two children were running hand in hand, as fast as they could but Shinn could still see Kira glance over the railing, at the raw scene beneath, before clenching his eyes closed as they witnessed someone getting shot for the first time. The young coördinator opened his eyes again, he still had to get himself and the girl to safety, and Shinn watched the shock leave purple eyes as the kid seemed to forcefully pull himself together in the space of a second. The red eyed pilot clenched his fists. Things shouldn't be like this. Those eyes had been so carefree just an hour ago. This place had been so peaceful just minutes ago. Did people really have to crush everything?

The two teenagers finally reached a corridor where the doorways to several shelters were located and Kira pushed on the communicator to contact the one that still had space. Shinn relaxed a bit, at least this was over. Or at least it was supposed to be.

"_It is already full her! There are 37 shelters in the right block, can you make it there?"_

"Then take just one of us. Please! It's a girl."

Wordlessly Shinn watched as Kira forced his companion into the elevator. The girl struggled, clearly not prepared to trade another's life for hers, but eventually disappeared from sight as the shelter was locked. Shinn couldn't even say he was surprised anymore. The situation had been deteriorating from the beginning and, from what he had seen from the kid so far, giving his chance to safety to a complete stranger seemed like something he'd do. Useless heroics. At this point, the fact that this was just a dream had completely left his mind and Shinn watched the boy run off again with a feeling foreboding growing in him. He knew how easily people died. Intimately. Even innocent bystanders like his family and this boy. People that were supposed to be protected. All it took was one stray bullet, one missed shot.

Shinn hurried after Kira again, he needed to know how this would end.

Kira ran and, luckily according to Shinn, didn't get hit. He 'should' have just kept running like that, to the other side of the factory where the shelters were supposed to be, but he spotted something before that and yelled.

"_Look out, behind you!"_

So instead of the earth woman the zaft soldier was shot. Kira froze in disbelief as his yell decided the life and death of two people and Shinn looked at him with sympathy, incapable of anger. But still, Kira should do something about his saving-people-thing before he got himself killed. Stuff like that was okay during peacetime but in a war it was going to get you killed. And now, he had the attention of those fighting beneath. The woman had shot down another person and yelled for Kira to come down. Shinn glared at her. Was she crazy? Just let the civilians go to the shelters and don't pull them any further into danger! For once, Kira seemed to agree with him as he yelled back that he would go to seek shelter in the block across.

"_Don't worry about me!"_

But it seemed like it wouldn't be that easy.

"_There is nothing left there but the door!"_

At that moment, the corridor Kira had just walked from exploded. Kira was thrown to the ground, his breathing uneven and eyes wide. He had just been there! And with no options left, he stood and turned towards the woman.

"_Come!"_

Kira grabbed the railing and jumped over, landing clumsily on the mobile suit beneath. Shinn followed him, floating downwards. The woman seemed surprised by the height of which Kira had jumped but ignored it, the firefight was still going strong and Shinn could hear people get hit.

"Hamada!" The woman yelled, seemingly a comrade of hers was one of them. She directed her gun towards the one responsible, a zaft soldier wearing a red pilot suit. A zaft red, like Shinn. He hit her in the shoulder before she could even pull the trigger and the fell down with a pained gasp. Kira watched as she went down and immediately ran towards her to help.

"DON'T!" Shinn yelled, no longer caring if anyone could hear him or not. "Getting that close to a target like that, it's suicide! You're not a soldier, you can't help her!" He tried to grab Kira by his arm to try and drag him away but it was hopeless. The boy was already on his knees next to her. And the zaft soldier was coming. He had thrown his gun away, seemingly out of bullets and was coming at the boy and the wounded soldier with a knife. Shinn vaguely remembered that he also had one of those. But that wasn't important. The earth soldier didn't seem in a position to defend herself and Kira was unarmed. The boy was going to die.

There was no way that zaft would suspect there to be any civilians in the factory right now.

Shinn clenched his trembling fists. Helpless. He hated it. He was never supposed to be helpless again! Still, he couldn't do anything. Nothing but watch as a zaft soldier rapidly approached a civilian with a knife, preparing to kill him. Watch,as an innocent civilian boy approached the end of his lifetime.

Kira, who had only just become aware of the danger looked up with wide eyes.

"Athrun."

Then everything stopped. It took a moment for Shinn to figure out that it was Kira who had uttered the familiar name. The zaft soldier had abruptly halted his step. The knife was still flashing deadly in his hand, at the ready to kill, but it was frozen in the air. By now, red suited soldier was close enough for Shinn to see his face. The face of a sixteen-year-old Athrun Zala.

_What was he doing here?_

"Kira?" Atrun was looking at Kira in disbelief. Another explosion went off nearby but neither boy payed attention to it. Kira slowly raised himself from his kneeling position next to the wounded soldier and Athrun lowered his knife, time seemed to have lost it's meaning to the two. Shinn just stared. What was going on here? They obviously knew each other. But what…

And that was as far as his thought went. The earth woman had recovered somewhat and was now shakily pointing her gun at Athrun. Athrun jumped backwards, snapping out of his trance, and fled. Kira still seemed in a daze but luckily the woman had no such problems, as the entire interior of the factory had started to explode. She roughly pushed the wide-eyed boy into the cockpit of the mobile suit they were situated on before jumping in after him. Shinn, again, followed. The cockpit closed and the X105-STRIKE started to move.


End file.
